


A Reason to Exist

by Gizzie14



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depression, Liam's P.O.V., M/M, Mental Illness, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gizzie14/pseuds/Gizzie14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is a normal lad. He may, in fact, have an insane best mate, by the name of Louis Tomlinson, who continues to rope him into strange situations, one after the other… but he’s normal. Or so he wants everyone to believe. And they have believed. But when a certain boy is placed into his life, Liam finds the barriers he created around himself being torn down, and he’s not sure if he has the willpower to build them back up again.</p><p>(Or the one where Liam is suffering from depression, Zayn has a secret, Louis and Harry are... complicated, and Niall is Niall).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Reason to Exist

**Author's Note:**

> So ah.... Hi. First work. Erhm. Ya.
> 
> I do not own any of the characters and all of this is purely fiction. None of this ever happened and blah blah blah.
> 
> ... Enjoy :)

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

The sound of the morning alarm jolts Liam awake. He slowly opens his eyes and checks the clock;  _6:32 AM._

He knew that he should have turned off that damn alarm. He has no classes today, but if he tries to go back to bed, he will most likely lay there, staring at the ceiling, but his head is pounding, and his eyes are already drooping; aching to be closed again. _Just try to fall asleep, Liam,_ he thinks to himself.

But a minute is barely registered before there’s the loud crash of a door being opened and the words, “Wake up fuckhead” echoing through the apartment.

**Right on cue.**

Louis gives no warning as he leaps onto Liam’s tired figure and begins to bounce up and down. “Wake up, wake up, wake up!” he chants, with the same enthusiasm as a 5 year-old on Christmas. The bed squeaks under his weight as he continues to move.

"Shut up," Liam mutters, “someone will hear you."

Louis laughs, “They probably think we’re having sex. I told you to replace this shitty old mattress!”

Liam groans and rolls over. Louis begins to bounce harder. He lets out a chuckle before giving a loud, “Oh _Liam_! Not there!” He then settles with giving throaty moans, screaming, “Harder Liam! HARDER!”

Liam sighs and rolls over again, giving Louis a shove. The older boy simply giggles, falling off the bed.

"Come on you little shit, you’re going to be late for class," Louis says, getting to his feet.

“ _What_ class?” Liam groans, ” I don’t have classes today, and if I remember correctly,  _you_ don’t have classes until this afternoon, and you’ll probably skip those anyway.”

"I won’t skip them," Louis says indignantly, “I’m purposefully avoiding them, so that I won’t have to see Mr. Carter’s ugly face in Math. I’m doing him a favor, Li, he doesn’t want me in his class and I don’t want to be there."

"Trigonometry is important Louis, you never know when you’ll need to use the power of triangles," Liam says with a scoff. “And you don’t need to skip English too, if Mr. Carter’s the issue."

Louis frowns. “First off, sarcasm is a hideous quality on you, Li. Second, I wouldn’t particularly mind not seeing Miss Burleigh either.”

Liam laughs at this. “Well why don’t you tell me why we’re awake this early, then.”

"We," Louis starts, wrapping an arm around Liam’s shoulders and tugging him towards the door, “are going to the park."

"…Why?" Liam asks slowly.

Louis shrugs, but avoids eye contact, “To sit, and observe.”

"Louis, if you woke me up at 6:30 in the morning to go stalk your newest love interest, I’m going to cut your hair off in your sleep." Liam warns.

"Liam, you and I both know that you wouldn’t do that, you’re too holy, and shit," Louis retorts. “Now stop whining and come."

They walk out of Liam’s small apartment (that is conveniently located down the street from campus), and start walking towards the park.

The air outside is a bit chilly, the sun barely peaking through the trees, and Liam shivers as the morning breeze hits his skin. He only had time to slip on a pair of shoes, so he’s stuck wearing what he had worn to bed the night before; a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.

"Who the hell goes to the park at 6 in the morning, anyways?" Liam asks with a huff, crossing his arms in front of him to try and block some of the cold.

"Harry Styles." Is Louis’ mumbled answer.

Liam’s eyebrows furrow. “Who?”

Louis’ clears his voice and says a little louder, “Harry Styles.”

"Harry Styles, the kid that is always holding that weird camera?" Liam asks. “Harry Styles, the one that you tried to fuck when he first came to our school but shot you down, Harry Styles? The one that called you, and I quote, ‘An arrogant little prick that needs to back off and shove a pole up his—’"

“ _Yes_ Liam, that Harry Styles.” Louis hisses. “And I’m only doing this to prove that I’m not a dick, like he thinks I am. Plus, no one resists the Tommo’s charm.”

Liam rolls his eyes, “Whatever you say, Lou. But still, that doesn’t justify waking me up to go stalk some kid in the park at 6 o’clock. Why is he up this early, anyway?”

Louis shrugs, “He likes to take pictures of the sunrise and stuff. Thinks the early scenery of the park is alluring.” Louis is fiddling with the hem of his sweater, and Liam is sure that this is the only time he’s ever seen him this bashful.

“ _This_ is the guy you’re after,” Liam asks, bewildered. “Do you even know what alluring means?”

"Oh, shove off!" Louis snaps, but there’s a blush rising to his cheeks. "Let’s just find him, and then you can go home."

They walk for a few more pointless minutes, and the longer that Liam spends out in the biting cold is the more peevish he gets. He’s tired and cold, and the morning dew coating the blades of grass have seeped into his old sneakers, wetting his socks. Liam hates damp socks. He wants to go back home, but Louis is desperate to find this damn Harry Styles, calling out his name and climbing the trees to scope out the area.

Liam’s certain they’ve circled the park at least twice, before Louis is whisper-shouting, “There he is!”

Liam squints, and spots a head of curly hair far off, sitting on a bench. “Let’s go,” he whispers back. He’s not sure why they’re whispering, Harry is meters away, but it just seems fitting.

Liam starts jogging towards the boy, eager to get this over with so he can go snuggle up in his warm sheets back home, but Louis tugs on his arm with a growl.

"Don’t _jog_ , Liam!” he exclaims. “We are going for casual and coincidental, not desperate and pathetic!” He lets go of Liam’s arm and pretends to brush dirt off of his shirt. “We shall _walk_ to Harry.”

Liam is used to Louis’ idiocy, so he merely rolls his eyes (an act that has become an usual habit around the imbecile) and proceeds to walk towards the boy. 

They finally get close enough to him, that Liam can see that Harry is pretty tall (even sitting) with a long torso, a head of curls, which are currently being covered with a beanie, and large-framed glasses on his face. He’s wearing tight skinny jeans, a loose t-shirt with a band name that Liam’s never heard of before on the front. A long cross necklace is dangling from his neck as he bends to pick up a satchel that he has laying on the floor.

All in all, Harry is the prime example of all those wannabe Hipster people Liam sees strolling around all over campus.

Harry doesn’t raise his head as they get closer, until Louis lets out a cough, and the guy’s head is snapping up, wide eyes searching for the source of the sound.

They narrow once they land on Louis, who is standing a few feet away with an arrogant aura around him, which Liam has come to discover is always present when Louis is in the company of others—well, other than the handful of people that _actually_ know Louis. Liam is grateful to be a part of that handful, along with Louis’ family.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Harry asks, his arms crossed in a defensive manner.

"Why so rude, Harold?" Louis asks, batting his eyes innocently. "Aren’t you happy to see me?"

Liam can see Harry’s jaw clench. “For the last time, _Lewis_ , my name is Harry. Not Harold, not sexy, not babe and not any other stupid nickname you have for me.”

Louis merely lets out a chuckle and saunters over to Harry, sitting beside him. The poor boy tenses up immediately, but Louis seems unaware of how uncomfortable he’s making him. “So what are you doing this fine morning?” Louis asks, trying to peak at whatever Harry has on display in his satchel.

Harry snatches the bag close to his chest and starts buckling it closed. “It’s none of your fucking business,” he snaps. Liam can see the way  
his jaw continues to twitch, as if he’s grinding his teeth together, over and over. “And shouldn’t I be the one asking you that question? What, you just decided that now is the time to take an early stroll in the park, Tomlinson?”

Louis’ smirk falters a bit and his gaze flickers to Liam’s for only a second, but Harry can see his sudden change in demeanor. A slow smirk starts to form its way onto Harry’s face and he raises a brow.

"So you came here to stalk me then?"

Louis snaps out of it, and he laughs, as if what Harry asked is the most absurd thing he’s ever heard in his life. As if he hadn’t just dragged Liam around for an hour and climbed a fucking tree to find him.

"Please, don’t flatter yourself," Louis scoffs, and Liam nearly guffaws. Louis looks at Liam thoughtfully before responding, "Liam here was taking me along on one of his early morning runs."

Harry’s green eyes are then on Liam, as if he is just then realizing that Liam’s been standing there the entire time (he wouldn’t be surprised), and Liam feels a bit uncomfortable under his intense glare.

"Is that so?" Harry asks, he eyes Louis warily as the other boy nods furiously.

"Yep, that’s the truth," Louis says, "why else would Liam be wearing sweats and sneakers?"

Harry looks at Liam again and Liam is going to tell Louis later that he really needs to stop trying so hard, but then Harry’s nodding slowly.

"Ok fine, I believe you," the curly-haired lad says, "but could you please leave me alone now and perhaps for the foreseeable future? Your face upsets my stomach."

Louis gives Harry a shove and mutters “fucker”, but he gets up anyway and starts walking back towards the park entrance. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Styles!” Louis calls over his shoulder.

Liam waves Harry a small goodbye, and he doesn’t miss the way Harry watches Louis go, his face contorted with confusion and… awe. Liam thinks he understands that look, as he jogs after Louis, it’s hard to believe that his best friend is from this planet, sometimes. And most often than not, he has that sort of affect on people.

+

Liam is lying on his bed trying to fall asleep, phone in hand when the device starts to vibrate from a call. He looks at the caller ID before answering it.

"What do you want?" he asks. He’s still upset about being woken up on the one day he had to sleep in.

"I’m coming over," is the reply he gets, but before Liam can even begin to think the word no, there’s a loud knock on the door.

Liam lets out a groan. He should really be expecting this kind of behavior by now—seriously, he’s friends with _Louis—_ but he can’t help but feel like this is an invasion of privacy. He’s meant to be sleeping right now, lazing around the whole day because this is his day off. Instead he’s trudging out of his room and through the common room, towards the door and letting in Niall, who is holding up a large bag of Chinese takeout.

"Before you start grumbling about how much you hate me, just know that I actually came here for a reason this time, plus I come bearing gifts." Niall says, shouldering his way into the apartment.

The blonde places the bag of food on Liam’s small coffee table and Liam plops down on his couch reluctantly, only because he hasn’t eaten anything but a piece of dry toast since he returned from Louis’ morning excursion, and he actually doesn’t mind Niall being around him when he’s in a bad mood.

"So I’m guessing Louis payed you a visit this morning?" Niall chuckles, taking out cartons of noodles and chicken. He passes one to Liam, as well as a fork and then he makes himself comfortable beside Liam on the couch.

Liam grunts. “Who else has the capability of pissing me off so early in the morning?”

"Well, I have news to cheer you up," Niall replies. He takes hold of Liam’s remote that is located on the table, right beside the bag of food. He turns on the telly and begins flipping through channels.

Liam doesn’t react to Niall’s words. It’s rare to actually hear news that makes him happy, and he’s sure Niall’s just going to tell him about some girl he had the chance of hooking up with. “I can see how excited you are, so let me tell you,” Niall continues sarcastically. “There’s a party happening tomorrow night and you’re invited.”

Liam sighs, “I’m not going.”

"Oh come on!" Niall whines. "When’s the last time you went to a party? It will be fun!"

Liam shakes his head and sits up straighter, giving Niall a look. “You know it won’t be fun, Niall. I’m not going to get all dressed up to go to some strangers party and spend the whole night uncomfortable in a corner.”

"So then _don’t_ spend the whole night in a corner,” Niall says. Easy for him to say, he tends to be the life of the party, other than Louis. “Plus,” he adds, “it’s not a stranger’s party, it’s Josh’s.”

Liam is still not convinced. He doesn’t care who’s party it is, he just doesn’t like parties. Period. There’s just too many people, and it’s hot and stuffy and he just doesn’t feel like explaining this all to Niall.

"Please, Liam," Niall begs, "Do it for me! I know you don’t really like people, and you’re kind of shy, but I’m sure if you just step out of your little bubble you can make a bunch of cool friends and I just really want you to be there and Louis and I can stay with you, and—"

"Niall, that’s enough!" Liam is standing up now and his voice is becoming more shrilly. "Just drop it. I don’t want to go."

Niall’s face falls, and his shoulders slump. “Ok,” he mumbles, “I-I just thought it would be nice for all of us to do something fun. But, you’re right, I’m sorry. If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to.”

Liam wishes Louis were here. It’s a crazy request, but he knows that if Louis were here, he would understand. Louis can be an ass, and an idiot, but he wouldn’t press Liam. Louis would get that Liam isn’t up for stuff like that, because he _gets_ Liam. He wouldn’t turn this into a big deal, he would just nod, and pet Liam’s hair and tell him that they can stay home and watch Liam’s favorite movies, instead.

But Niall isn’t Louis, and Niall doesn’t understand why Liam just _can’t_ go. No, Niall is sitting on the couch like a dejected dog; he’s even pouting. And Liam feels really bad. And maybe it’s because Niall brought him food, or maybe it’s because Niall’s personality is like the sun, and when he’s upset, it tends to upset the people around him, but Liam mutters an almost inaudible, “Fine, I’ll go”, and just like that Niall is grinning from ear to ear and he’s pulling Liam in for a hug that Liam kind of wants to run away from.

"Thanks mate," Niall says, and he’s jumping off the couch and rushing to get his shoes on. He yells a, "Josh is going to be so happy!" as he literally runs through the door, and Liam is left wondering what exactly he just agreed to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Yay, first chapterrrrr. Hopefully it wasn't too terrible. Please comment, because that will really help me with making this better and leave kudos if you find it worthy. Also, I love all you guys :) K, bye.
> 
> -Zelley


	2. A Reason to Exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Chapter, Yaaaaay. And on the same day :)
> 
> I do not own any of the characters. This is all fake. Blaaaaah.
> 
> Enjoy.

Liam hasn’t even been awake for more than an hour, but he can already tell it’s going to be one of those days.

He wakes up with a pounding in his head, his stomach tight and Liam stumbles into the bathroom to get some pills to relieve the pain. It’s his third attempt to get the stupid lid off the bottle, but it _won’t_ open and Liam gives a frustrated yell as he chucks the bottle across the room where it slams against the wall and pops open, the pills tumbling out.

He can hear his own ragged breathing as he slides down the length of the bathroom door, clenching at his head as the steady pounding continues to drill on his skull.

Liam can’t deal with this. Not today. He has a test today; a very important one in Mr. Gillagher’s Philosophy class that he can’t miss. But Liam can’t even find the strength to pull himself off the floor and clean up the mess of tablets he made on the other side of the room. 

He can hear his phone ringing from where it was left sitting inside of his room, and he knows it’s probably Louis. He should answer it. But his head is still making it difficult for him to think, his throat tightening and _no._ Liam is not going to cry. He refuses.

The tears don’t listen to his silent pleas, and they come anyways, rolling down his face in a silent stream. Liam lets out a sigh of defeat. He sits on the cold tiled floor, thinking about his own failure, all the things left unsaid—his guilt crashing over him like the waves he used to surf every summer.

Louis finds Liam like this two hours later, still laying against the door, and he has to gently push Liam out of the way so that he can come into the bathroom.

He takes one look at his best friend and scoops him up into his arms—as if Liam weighs nothing, even though he knows he weighs a ton—and takes him to his bedroom, laying him down on the mattress.

Louis doesn’t ask Liam any questions, and Liam wouldn’t be capable of answering them, even if he tried. Besides, Louis already knows. He’s the only one who knows.

They spend the rest of the day cuddling on Liam’s bed as Louis rubs soothing circles on his back, after calling Liam’s professor and telling him that Liam isn’t feeling well.

And these are the days when Liam thanks God for sending him a friend like Louis.

+

Liam should not have agreed to do this.

He’s standing in front of a mirror, gazing at his reflection as Louis comes up behind him.

"You sure about this?" Louis asks him softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. And Liam wants to scream _No!_ He was already having a crap day, this would only make it worse… but his head gives a tentative nod, yes.

Liam still can’t believe he’s about to do this. It’s been ages since he’s actually gone to a party. He’s just not the type of lad to get into those kind of things.

Liam doesn’t like parties, or clubbing, or other typical teenager outings. He prefers reading a book at home, or spending a night with his friends—his very  _very_ small group of friends. That’s why Liam had surprised even himself yesterday, when he had agreed to go to Josh’s party. 

 _It’s all Niall’s fault._ Liam thinks bitterly to himself, but he eventually admits that, no, this is not Niall’s fault. This is entirely on Liam because no one forced him to say yes. 

But Liam still wants to blame this on the Irish bloke as Louis starts dragging him through the door of his apartment, and towards the elevator at the end of the hallway.

It’s not until him and Louis have made their way to the parking lot of Liam’s apartment building, that Liam starts panicking. “Louis, no, I can’t do this,” he’s beginning to protest, but Louis is shoving him into the passenger seat of his car and slamming the door shut.

Liam is about to yank the door back open and make a run for it, when Louis climbs into the driver’s seat and locks the doors, effectively trapping Liam inside. 

"Look Liam," he starts, "I know that you don’t really do this, but I think tonight will be good for you. You need to get out of that stuffy apartment! You’re always there, and it’s not healthy." He’s not looking at Liam, but Liam can her the desperation in his voice. "You’ll thank me for this, just you watch."

Liam highly doubts that, but before he can voice his opinion, Louis is putting the key into the ignition and driving further and further away from Liam’s safe place.

Ok, Liam is fine. He’s just overreacting, or at least that’s what he tells himself. He really is fine, people go to parties all the time. He just needs to man up, and get this over with.

Liam is totally okay.

But he’s not.

Louis pulls up to a house that is quite close to campus, and not far from Liam’s place. It’s a moderately sized home with cars parked in the driveway that have begun to litter the street surrounding it. There are people lounging outside the house, along with little red plastic cups and empty bottles strewn on the front lawn.  “We’re here,” Louis announces.

Liam takes a deep breath and gets out of the car.

The minute he and Louis get into the house, they’re greeted with an already spectacularly drunk Niall, hanging off of Josh’s shoulder.

"Lee _yum,_ " he slurs, "you came!" He then gives a small burp and giggles into the crook of Josh’s neck.

Josh tries to nudge Niall off of him, to no avail, and turns to give Liam an exasperated look. “Thanks for coming, guys,” he says, and Liam can tell he is exhausted. “Drinks are in the kitchen and—” he trails off when he hears a crash come from somewhere further in the house.

"That better not have been my mom’s vase!" He yells, running off with Niall stumbling after him.

Louis turns to look at Liam with a huge smile on his face. “This is going to be awesome,” he whispers excitedly. He then walks away shouting a loud, “Has anyone seen Styles?”

Liam watches him go, silently willing him to turn around and take Liam home. He doesn’t want to be alone here, but he doesn’t want to cling to Louis for the whole night, either.

Liam sighs and starts to head towards the kitchen, pushing through the surprisingly thick crowd of students. He needs a drink.

When he gets there, he sees a couple making out on the counter, seemingly unaware of the world around them. Liam discreetly pours himself a glass of coke, adding a little tiny bit of rum and downs it in one go. The small amount of alcohol burns on its way down, and Liam is thankful for that familiar burn. It’s been a while since he had his last drink. Liam pours himself another glass and drinks it, savoring the bitter flavor.

Four drinks later and Liam is out on the makeshift dance floor that was created in Josh’s living room. There’s a mystery girl moving her body against his, and he’s holding a bottle of beer in his hand, getting lost in the feeling of the sweaty bodies pressed around him, the lights sending a array of colors as they flash around him.

But then someone stumbles into Liam, and Liam is dropping his drink and it falls to the floor with a crash. “Hey, watch where you’re going!” The person who had stumbled into him yells, and suddenly this is all too familiar.

Liam can’t breathe. His throat is tightening again, and there’s a ball forming in his stomach. He clenches his heart as it beats erratically inside of his chest. The once beautiful lights are now blinding Liam and he tries to push through the crowd, and he can’t find a way _out._ He feels like he’s going to puke. He’s going to puke.

Liam somehow manages to get through the crowd until he’s outside, leaning over the railing of Josh’s front porch and throwing up everything he had consumed in the past few hours into a bush.

He continues to retch and dry heave, even after his stomach is empty, and Liam knows he’s going to cry again.

He _knew_ he shouldn’t have come here tonight. The words _stupidstupidstupidstupid_ play over and over in Liam’s mind and he collapses onto one of the porch steps, burying his face in his hands.

Liam deliberates catching a cab. He can leave Louis and just head back home. He knows Louis won’t give him too much shit about it later, if Liam tells him why he left. But Liam has no money. Of course, he left his fucking wallet back in his apartment.

The tears are coming, prickling at the back of Liam’s eyes and Liam isn’t even trying to stop them.

"You okay?"

The words are so soft, Liam is almost certain he only imagined them. But when he looks up, there’s a boy looking down at him with an even softer smile on his face.

His hair is an ebony shade, fluffed up around his head, his large eyes glowing gold under the moonlight. He sits down beside Liam and Liam can’t help but stare.

He’s quite beautiful.

The boy (who’s not really a boy because he looks about the same age as Liam) has slight stubble on his chin, his lips are plump and Liam thinks he might be in the presence of an angel.

"I’m Zayn," the boy—Zayn—says. He places a delicate hand over Liam’s. "You are?"

And Liam suddenly realizes that whoever this kid is, he’s a stranger, and he snatches away his hand.

"None of your business," Liam replies curtly. Zayn just laughs, standing up, and grabs Liam’s hand again. He tugs him to his feet and starts dragging him towards Louis’ car.

Liam is allowing himself to be dragged, until his mind catches up to what is happening. “What the hell are you doing?”

Zayn unlocks the car and opens the passenger door, motioning for Liam to get in. Liam doesn’t know what demon possesses him, but he climbs to into the car, despite his entire being screaming at him to run.

Zayn climbs in to the driver’s seat locks the doors. And now Liam is positive that Zayn is going to kidnap him.

"Let me out," Liam says. "Who the fuck even are you?"

Zayn smiles. “I told you, I’m Zayn.”

Zayn reaches into his pockets and produces a set of one Louis Tomlinson’s keys and Liam is gaping at him.

"Calm down," Zayn says, as if he can hear Liam panicking (which wouldn’t be to far-fetched because Liam is sure he’s letting out little wheezing noises). "Louis gave them to me."

He starts the car and starts driving. “He told me you would probably be itching to get out of here,” Zayn continues, “so where do you want to go?”

So Louis knows Zayn? Still, that doesn’t make it alright for Zayn to abduct Liam.

"Just take me home," Liam grumbles. He spouts off the way to his apartment and Zayn follows his directions, not once saying anything to Liam.

When they get into the parking lot, Zayn turns in his seat and gives Liam another smile. “See you later, Liam.”

Liam quickly mutters a goodbye and ducks out of the car, walking to his building as fast as he can. He doesn’t turn to see if Zayn waits for him to make it safely to the entrance doors.

It’s not until Liam has showered, changed into a comfortable pair of sweats and is finally snuggling into his covers that he realizes that he never told Zayn his name. _How the hell did he know my name?_ But Liam shrugs it off and figures Louis had probably told him.

The stupid fucker. Liam’s going to kill Louis the next time he sees him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo, feedback? And kudos? Maybe, perhaps? I would be very happy :)  
> I hope this didn't suck too much. Ya. That is all.


	3. A Reason to Exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't own the boys. Still fiction.

Liam hates alcohol. He decides this after his third luxurious trip to the bathroom.

His throat feels raw, the back of his eyes are sore and he still has the acrid taste of bile in his mouth.

His phone buzzes beside him, but Liam’s not in the mood to answer any of Louis’ texts, undoubtedly all asking where Liam had disappeared to last night. He’s too busy hating alcohol.

Stupid, stupid alcohol.

His phone continues to buzz, the constant aggravating noise traveling right through Liam’s ears to his pulsing head, and Liam snatches up his phone and sends Louis a quick _fuck off_. 

The buzzing stops, and Liam revels in the silence while closing his eyes and trying to conjure up any arbitrary dream to lull him back to sleep.

Of course that’s the moment when a steady pounding begins on Liam’s door.

Liam is flying out of bed in record time, charging towards the door, yanking it open and growling an irritated, “What the fuck do you  _want,_ Louis?”

Louis stands there with wide eyes in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt that Liam is certain used to belong to him, his hand raised in mid-knock, but he slowly smiles an easy grin and his posture returns to his usual one of aloofness.

"Nice to see you too, Sweetheart," he almost purrs. And Liam wants to punch him in the face.

"Do you know what time it is?" Liam is asking through clenched teeth.

Louis shrugs and nudges Liam aside as he walks into the flat. “About 1 in the afternoon.”

Oh. Well, still.

Louis collapses onto the couch, placing his feet on the coffee table and Liam refrains from squawking at him to get them off.

"You, my friend, missed your lecture," Louis says suddenly. "Guess I’m finally starting to rub off on you."

Liam rolls his eyes. He’s only mildly concerned about missing yet another one of his classes this week. Besides, it’s not as if he would have gotten much work done with the hangover he’s currently sporting.

"Whatever," Liam replies. He stands in front of Louis and crosses his arms. "Why are you here?"

Louis frowns at him and points an accusing finger. “That’s not fair!” he says with a huff. “You left _me_ , yesterday. I’m the one who’s supposed to be mad!”

"I thought you told Zayn to take me home?" Liam says, though it comes out as more of question. And why does he still remember Zayn’s name?

Louis stops, and he looks utterly confused for a second before an unreadable expression takes over his face, which then contorts into an amused gaze.

"Oh yea," he mumbles, chuckling to himself.

Oh yea. _Oh yea?_ Liam is still glaring at Louis, but that’s more because he has no idea what the hell is going on in Louis’ mind (which shouldn’t really be too much of surprise because Louis’ head still needs to be examined by top-notch scientists), and whatever he’s thinking seems to concern Liam.

"Why is that so funny?" Liam demands.

Louis gives a few more giggles before answering, “Here I was thinking you’d ditched me to go finally receive the shag of a lifetime by some nameless bloke, when in reality all you did was get a ride home with our poor little Zaynie.”

It takes Liam a little while to catch up before his face is turning a light shade of pink. “You thought I was getting shagged?” he asks.

Louis nods, “But alas, you’re still a virgin.”

"I am not," Liam replies indignantly, but the blush is still evident on his face. "I’ve had sex before."

"Yeah, but those past encounters don’t count," Louis says, as if it were obvious. "Now that you’ve transferred over to the dark side, you’ll still be considered as a virgin in my books until you get laid by a _guy_.”

"Whatever, lets just drop it," Liam  calls over his shoulder as he ventures into the kitchen. Liam is _so_ done with this conversation. He doesn’t want to discuss his virginity and sex life with Louis.

"Anyway, did you like him?" Louis asks, following him.

"Who?"

"Zayn, you dolt." Louis is giving Liam a very intense, contemplating look as he leans over the side of Liam’s counter, and Liam doesn’t know how to respond.

"Who exactly is he?" he finally inquires.

"He’s actually a friend of Harry’s," Louis replies, "but Niall knows him too. Says he’s really nice, and quite fit, eh?"

 _Gorgeous,_ Liam agrees. But he merely shrugs. “Yea, I guess he’s alright.”

"I talked to him last night," Louis continues, "said some things about you. He seems like a great lad."

So that would explain why Zayn knew Liam’s name. “He was polite when he was driving me home,” Liam agrees. “Although at the beginning I thought he was trying to kidnap me.”

Louis snorts. “Well when he came back to the party, he seemed quite fascinated by you,” Louis is raising a brow suggestively, “and I found out that he’s into blokes…”

Liam can already see where this is going. “No,” he deadpans.

"Aw come on," Louis whines. "When was the last time you went on a date?"

Liam can’t remember. But that’s still not going to change his mind.

"No Louis," he says again, "I refuse to let you set me up with some random guy, just because you think I’m lonely."

"I also think you’re a prude and a wanker, but even _you_ deserve some love,” Louis says. His voice drops to a whisper, and he takes a hold of Liam’s hand, “It’s been three years.”

It feels like a slap to Liam’s face, and he’s taking his hand out of Louis’, turning to face his stove. He doesn’t want to think about that. Not today.

Liam hears Louis give a sigh, and then he’s being hugged from behind, Louis’ chin resting on Liam’s shoulder. “Liam, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned—you know what, it doesn’t matter.” He turns Liam around. “Zayn is a nice guy, and he really likes you and he is inviting us to get some pizza together tonight.”

Liam doesn’t _want_ to get Pizza with Zayn. He’d rather stay at home, like always. He could always use the excuse of having to study for a test, but it’s Friday and he knows Louis will make him put it off for the next day. Plus, he knows that Louis really wants this, and he knows his best mate is just trying to look out for him. He’s only agreeing to this, because he doesn’t want Louis to worry about him anymore.

"Us?" Liam asks, and that word is enough for Louis to break out in a large grin. "Yes, you, me, Harry and Zayn."

"Ok," Liam agrees. Louis pulls him into a bone crushing hug and Liam thinks he deserves a medal for best friend of the year.

After that, Liam forces Louis to help him make breakfast, arguing that he _has to,_ because he is forcing Liam go on this date, and Liam comes to the decision that Louis will never be allowed in his kitchen again, after their breakfast attempts result in scorched toast, undercooked eggs and a near-call to the fire department.

The two end up settling on Liam’s couch, an empty box of donuts in front of them, watching reruns of Glee, and Liam wonders why Louis is so committed to trying to get Liam out of the house so often. It’s not like they don’t have fun in Liam’s apartment; it’s relaxed and nice.

Plus outside… so many bad things can happen out there, and Liam has experienced some of those things first-hand. Why would he want to experience that again when he could simply stay inside? Inside is familiar. It’s safe.

Liam opts to forget about it just as Sue Sylvester comes on the screen; Louis has always been crazy so there’s no point in trying to figure him out.

+

Liam isn’t stupid. No, he’s a pretty smart guy. He might not be the highest ranking student in his classes, but he’s smart. At least smart enough to know how to evade Peer Pressure, but apparently all sanity flies out the window when it comes to Louis Tomlinson.

He’s standing outside of Marco’s Pizzeria with Louis at his side. They’re both dressed in scarfs and hats—despite it only being Mid-September, but the weather is fucking cold—and Liam is very much regretting his decision to meet up with Zayn. He honestly doesn’t even know the guy.

What if he turns out to be some creep, or a douche? Zayn didn’t really seem like that when Liam had first met him—but hey, who knows?

Liam’s scarf is itching him, and Zayn and Harry are 13 minutes late, according to his phone (not that Liam’s been counting, ‘cause just… no.) and Louis is singing Katy Perry’s _Teenage Dream_ under his breath. Liam wants to go home.

A couple more minutes pass and Liam is convinced that they’re not going to show up. Harry detests Louis, why would he have decided to come in the first place?

Liam is angrily tugging at his stupid scarf when he hears Louis’ voice call, “Styles you tosser!”

He looks up to see a grinning Harry, tugging along a slightly apprehensive looking Zayn. Harry’s hair is free of a beanie, today, his curls loose and blowing with the breeze, but he still has on his ridiculous hipster glasses, making his large eyes even bigger.

The two keep walking until they’re right in front of Liam and Louis, and Harry is still grinning. “Sorry we’re late,” he says. “Had a bit of a fashion emergency.”

Louis scoffs, “You better be sorry. Poor Liam and I had to stand out here for nearly an hour.”

27 minutes, actually, but you know, it wasn’t like Liam was counting. Really, he wasn’t… he _wouldn’t_.

Despite Louis’ words, he doesn’t look very annoyed. He’s actually staring at Harry as if he just descended from the heavens with the sun shining out of his ass; a huge grin on his face.

Whoa—what the hell happened _there_?

Louis grabs Harry’s hand and they start making their way into the restaurant. It takes Liam a moment to register that yes, he is _actually_ seeing this, and _oh my god how the fuck is this not a dream_ , before he realizes that Zayn has been standing there silently.

  
Liam turns to face him, but Zayn’s eyes are downcast, his cheeks rosy from the cold and his long lashes casting shadows over his face.

Liam has to admit, Zayn is the most attractive man he has ever seen.

"Hey, you want to go inside?" Liam asks. Zayn’s gaze snaps up to meet Liam’s and he’s nodding slowly, a soft smile playing on his lips.

Liam waits for Zayn to go inside the Pizzeria first, before going after him, and he’s left wondering if he should have held Zayn’s hand like Louis had taken Harry’s.

He shakes off the notion, though; Louis is bold. That’s just who he is, he can do things like that and get away with it because he’s _Louis Tomlinson_. Liam is more timid, and there are no rules stating that you have to hold hands on the first date.

That’s what this is, right? A date? Liam has no idea. But he follows Zayn into the restaurant, to where Louis and Harry have already been seated at a booth.

Thankfully, Louis is sitting across from Harry, so at least Liam doesn’t have to sit beside Zayn. _Thank god_ for saving him from whatever awkwardness that could’ve come from that.

Louis and Harry are already wrapped in a conversation of their own, something about the appreciation of actual music: _"I will kill you if you ever say that Taylor Swift is good music" "I swear half of the bands you just named, you made up"_ and it doesn’t seem as if they’re going to let anyone else into their debate anytime soon.

Looks like Liam is stuck having to make small talk with Zayn.

Liam turns to find Zayn staring at him, his expression soft.

"So did you get to your room okay?" Zayn asks. "I mean, after I dropped you off. You were pretty drunk and normally I would have taken you up there myself, but you seemed pretty eager to get out of the car."

It takes Liam a moment to even comprehend what Zayn is talking about, and when he does, he does not know how to answer this.

"I uh, yeah." He clears his throat. "Yes, I got to my room okay."

Zayn nods, and smiles. “That’s good.”

They lapse into a silence again, and Liam is left wondering why this is so _awkward_ —until the waiter comes over and places a menu in front of each of them. Liam is acutely aware that Louis and Harry have started holding hands over the table, and that Zayn is still staring at him as he places his order.

"So what courses are you taking?" Zayn speaks up again, after another round of silence once the waiter has gone, and it takes Liam by surprise.

Liam doesn’t really want to talk about school, he’s honestly taking a bunch of different classes that he doesn’t even care for. In truth, he’s still trying to figure out what career he plans on following. He’s not about to tell Zayn that he has no idea what he’s doing with his life, though.

"A minor in Philosophy, English, Sociology and an Engineering Major," Liam replies.

Zayn gives an appreciative nod, “Wow, that’s a lot. I’m taking English, too, as a major, and Art and Business.” He smiles, “That last one is just in case I don’t make it as an English teacher.”

Liam nods, only because he doesn’t know what else to do.

He’s saved from having to say anything else to Zayn when the waiter (bless his soul) comes back with their pizza, hot greasy and delicious.

It’s at this time that Louis and Harry decide to re-enter into the world of the living, and leave their little bubble.

"So Liam," Harry starts, "where are you from?"

Easy question. Good.

"I was born and raised in Wolverhampton, but I moved to Manchester a year ago after getting accepted into Uni," Liam answers.

"Same," Harry replies, "except I was born in Cheshire, Holmes Chapel."

They continue to converse like this, Harry asking Liam questions, Liam skillfully veering away from any topics that require him to give an explanation of his old life back in Wolverhampton, Louis interjecting every so often, and Zayn silently watching from beside Harry. Liam decides that he likes Harry. The boy is quite charismatic, and a little cheeky based on the stories Harry tells him, and Liam understands why Louis likes him so much. Plus, Harry is quite attractive too.

The three of them continue to talk for most of the night, even after the remnants of their pizzas are long forgotten—crusts and grease-filled napkins whisked away by the restaurant staff—exchanging stories and jokes, and Liam almost entirely forgets that Zayn is there (besides the fact that he can feel Zayn’s eyes boring holes through his face) until Zayn jumps out of his seat and starts frantically buttoning his jacket, muttering “shit shit shit” under his breath.

"What’s going on?" Harry asks, though he seems only mildly concerned.

"I forgot to feed Massie!" Zayn replies agitatedly. He throws a few bills on the table, probably to cover for his pizza and swoops down to peck Liam on the cheek.

Zayn is out the Pizzeria doors before Liam even has a chance to figure out what just happened. The phantom feeling of Zayn’s lips is burning his cheek, although that could just be the furious blush that is starting tpcreep its way onto Liam’s face. 

"Who’s Massie?" Louis asks. As if that is the most pressing question right now, even though he just witnessed Zayn _kissing_ Liam’s cheek.

"His dog," is Harry’s reply, and the two start discussing other things again.

Liam can’t even join back into the conversation. Not when he feels his pocket vibrate and takes out his phone to reveal a single text:

_Had fun tonight. See you again tomorrow?_ _  
_

Liam is back home and in bed by 2 am, too awake to go to sleep, and the question that is the most pressing in his mind is not how Zayn got his number (he’s going to have to talk to Louis about a thing called _privacy_ ). It’s not even how he got home, because he most certainly does not know a single detail about how he magically transported to his bed… he may have possibly blacked out?? No, the question that is bouncing back and forth in Liam’s mind is _how did Zayn get him to forget?_  

Not forget the past few hours, which he honestly doesn’t remember either… but everything. The weight had finally been lifted up from off his chest, if even for a few minutes. Yes, it hadn’t been until Zayn had left that Liam realized this and the initial shock wore off, but  _he_ had done that to Liam. With a measly kiss on the cheek.

Liam wants that again.

He snatches his cellphone from off his night side drawer and types a short reply: _You pick the time and place, I’ll be there._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God… I feel like this chapter is horrendous… but I don’t want to stall on uploading it anymore just because I’m a bit of a perfectionist. Uhmmm, Comment? Kudos? Only if you want. xx, Love you guys ♥ 
> 
> -Zelley


	4. A Reason to Exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in updates!! Don't kill me. Also, this is fake, so... yeah.

 

"It was amazing, Liam. His lips were the softest lips I’ve ever felt, ever," Louis is moaning from his place on Liam’s sofa, face down, stuffed in between the cushions.

"We heard you the first time," Niall says. He’s sitting on Liam’s recliner, and he’s yet again flipping through Liam’s telly channels. "No need to go into detail."

"I wasn’t talking to you, you blonde-haired Irish gnome," Louis says indignantly. "I was talking to Liam, because he can appreciate my beautiful inappropriate details."  

Liam scoffs and nudges Louis aside, so that he can get a seat beside him, a packet of crisps in hand. “I think I’ve heard enough for today,” he chuckles.

Louis lets out an annoyed huff, and sits up in a more comfortable position. “Fine, I won’t tell you all about Harry’s unnatural, yet glorious, mammoth hands. They’re huge, Liam, just imagine what he could do with those fingers inside my—”

"Louis!" Niall squawks, eyes wide, horrified.

Louis rolls his eyes and lets out an annoyed sigh. “I wasn’t going to say ass. Jeez Niall, you take the fun out of everything.” 

"Is it too much to ask you to simply  _not_ talk about sex fantasies with Harry Styles while I’m around?” Niall is demanding.

Liam tunes out the rest of their little argument. He’s already heard enough of what had happened to Louis after their pizza date. Plus, he doesn’t want to hear Niall and Louis argue. It’s not the first time Niall has reprimanded Louis for sharing his perverted thoughts. It definitely won’t be the last. 

Liam’s cellphone buzzes from inside his pocket, and Liam takes it out to reveal a new text from Zayn.

 

_Zayn: You said anytime, anywhere, right? How about the park for ice cream?_

 

Liam replies instantly, _Sure. Wat time?_

 

A few minutes later, a new text comes in.

 

_Zayn: Now._

 

Liam is about to answer when Louis pipes up.

"Who are you texting?" he inquires with an accusatory finger. "And don’t say no one ‘cause I can see your fond smile from here."

Liam hadn’t even realized he’d been softly smiling to himself until Louis mentioned it. He immediately schools his face into a nonchalant one.

"Sorry boys," Liam says, getting out of his seat and pulling on a jacket. "Going out. Try not to destroy my apartment while I’m gone."

Niall gives him a salute and Louis narrows his eyes. “Fine, but you have to tell me the details when you get back,” he demands.

Liam nods, grabs his keys and his wallet and he hears Louis call a “Tell Zayn I said ‘hi’”, as he walks out the door.

+

Liam finds Zayn sitting on one of the park benches. He’s got on one of those cliched black leather jackets, and he’s obliviously staring up at the clouds in the sky.

"Hey," Liam says, as he approaches him.

Zayn looks up at once and a slow smile creeps its way onto his face. “Hey,” he says softly.

Liam shuffles awkwardly on the spot for a few seconds as Zayn’s eyes stay on him. He jerks a thumb over his shoulder, “So how about that ice cream?”

Zayn nods and gets to his feet quickly, standing in front of Liam. He abruptly sticks his hand out, seems to hesitate for a second before clutching onto Liam’s hand. Liam looks at Zayn’s face to see the boy grinning shyly at the grass, his cheeks colored with a light blush. He is so pretty, too pretty, and Liam’s head is spinning because how is this creature in front of him even _real_?

"Come on," Zayn says. "I know this really good ice cream place not too far from here."

The two start walking away from the park and down the street, hand in hand, talking softly amongst each other in the chilly autumn breeze. Normally Liam would be wary about things like this—holding hands, drawing attention to himself, acknowledging people’s curious gazes—but with Zayn, it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. He still feels the awkward sensation of uncomfortableness stewing in the pit of his stomach, but with Zayn it’s at least bearable.

They walk for a few minutes until Zayn stops in front of this really small ice cream parlor. “We’re here,” he announces. They walk into the tiny shop and a bell jingles overhead, alerting the cashier that she has customers.

Liam takes a quick look around the room and he swears he’s stepped into the set of Katy Perry’s _California Gurls_ music video. The walls are painted a bright pink with white stripes, the seats are a blinding yellow, the floor tiles blue and there are pictures of ice cream up on the walls _everywhere_.

"This is one of my favorite places," Zayn says with a wide grin, and Liam nearly pinches himself because _What, how_ _?_ and he nods mutely, making a nonsensical noise at the back of his throat.

"Is there anything I can do for you boys?" the girl behind the counter asks, and just like every other eye-catching thing in the store, her hair is a bright shade of red.

Zayn squeezes Liam’s hand—which he hasn’t dropped once, not since he had first grabbed it, not that Liam minds—and looks up at the menu. “I’ll have two scoops of the Magical Mint Chocolate. What about you, babe?”

Liam’s mind goes fuzzy because _Babe babe babe babe babe babe babe,_ and he mentally shakes it to clear it. “Oh, uh…” he glances at the menu, and has to literally refrain himself from snorting. (Honestly who has flavors like _Perfect Pistachio_ and _Raging Rocky Road_???) “I’ll just have vanilla, one scoop.”

The girl nods, giving Liam a smile, “I’ll be just a sec, okay sweetie?”

Liam doesn’t respond (the girl isn’t much younger than himself… _sweetie_? Really?) and Zayn turns to him, his eyebrow raised. “Vanilla?” he starts in a nasally voice that Liam assumes is supposed to sound like the cashier’s, “Oh sweetie, how boring of you.”

Liam laughs and Zayn joins in. “Come on,” Liam snorts. “Let’s get a table.”

The two take a seat at a table that’s directly beside one of the large windows of the shop and Zayn turns to look out at the people walking by. Liam sits and silently watches him, hoping he’s not being too creepy. Zayn’s lashes are long, fanning out around his gleaming eyes. They look almost like melted honey in this light. His lips look soft and pink, his jawline sharp, but his slight stubble softens it a bit. Liam wants to take a picture of Zayn in this moment, frame it and paste it all over his walls. The thing is—Zayn is just so beautiful. Liam’s never seen anyone like him before, and although he knows they barely know each other, he feels as if he _does_ know Zayn; as if he’s known him for a very long time… maybe in another life, as cheesy as that sounds.

Zayn’s gaze flickers to Liam’s and the corner of his mouth quirks up. “What?” he asks, his eyes soft. Liam feels his own mouth smooth out into a grin and he says nothing, just gives a slight shrug of his shoulders. 

Zayn looks at him for a beat longer, before blinking slowly. “Do you think things happen for a reason?” he asks.

"What do you mean?" Liam replies. He splays his fingers out on the table and studies his fingers, not wanting to look at Zayn’s face anymore; the sheer beauty of it is making him dizzy.

"I mean," Zayn continues, "do you think things happen by chance, or do you think someone up there has our entire lives mapped out for us, and everything happens the way it was planned?" He trails his fingers over Liam’s, and Liam tries but fails to keep his gaze away from Zayn.

Liam thinks it over for a second before giving another shrug. “I don’t know. I guess some things happen by chance… why?”

Zayn looks away, bashful. “I’m just glad I met you, ‘s all.”

Liam doesn’t have anything to say… how does he respond to that? He just smiles again (his face is going to split in half with all the smiling he does around Zayn, he knows it) and gives a lame, “Me too.”

Zayn seems satisfied with his answer, however, because his smile widens and his cheeks turn a delightful pink.

Just then, the red-head cashier girl comes over with their tray of ice cream. “Two scoops of Mint Chocolate for you,” she says, placing the bowl in front of Zayn, “and two scoops of vanilla for you.” She places Liam’s bowl in front of him, making sure to lean forward as much as possible, showing off her very impressive cleavage—well, you know, if Liam were interested in cleavage… or women in general.

"Oh, I’m sorry, I only asked for one scoop," Liam tells her politely.

She glances at the bowl in front of Liam, and her eyes widen comically. “Oh my god, I’m _so_ sorry!” she says. She places a manicured hand on Liam’s sweater covered bicep. “Would you like me to get you another bowl, honey?”

"Actually," Zayn cuts in, his voice sounding pinched. "Can you make these to-go?" The smile the girl gives him is more of a sneer than anything else.

"Yeah, sure," she says curtly and she scurries off with their orders in hand.

Zayn watches her go with a scowl on his face. “You okay?” Liam asks.

"God, did you see the way she was hanging all over you?" he says instead of answering. "As if she didn’t see me sitting _right here._ ”

Liam has to stop himself from laughing. But he can’t quite keep the smirk off his face, because a moment later Zayn notices it and gives an indignant, “ _What?_ ”

"You’re cute when you’re jealous," Liam chuckles. The cashier comes back with the ice cream in sealed containers.

"Don’t worry about it," she says, when she sees Zayn reaching for his wallet, "It’s on the house." She looks a bit guilty, and Liam figures she realized that he and Zayn were on a date, or maybe she’d heard a snippet of what Zayn had said.

Zayn gets out of his seat and shrugs on his leather jacket, motioning for Liam to do the same, and they leave the shop, the bell dinging behind them.

"I thought you said that was one of your favorite shops?" Liam laughs. He slots his fingers between Zayn’s and tugs him along.

"It is," Zayn justifies. "That girl must be new, though. Glad we left. If I’d stayed any longer, I might’ve done something I’d regret later."

"Like what?" Liam teases.

"Let’s just say it would probably put me in prison for the indefinite future." Zayn says it with such a straight face that Liam can’t help but laugh again and he can’t help but note that this Zayn is so different from the one in the Pizzeria the night before. This Zayn is more outgoing, not as shy and quiet. Liam thinks that this is the real Zayn.

And Liam likes the real Zayn.

 

…Which is terrifying. How is it that Liam already feels so strongly towards a boy he only met a few days ago? Liam isn’t _like this_. He doesn’t go on dates with strangers that he meets at house parties. He doesn’t get comfortable with people he’s only met three days ago so quickly. He doesn’t hold hands, or kiss cheeks or go out in public. He doesn’t _like_ people.

 

…But he likes Zayn.

 

"Tell me about yourself," Zayn says suddenly. "I don’t even know your favorite color."

Liam smiles, and swings their connected hands between them. “True. My favorite color is purple. And I don’t know much about you either.”

"Mine is red. How about I ask you a question, and we both have to answer it, and then you do the same?" Zayn suggests. They keep walking past different shops and bars, passing people hurrying around in scarves and thick coats, trying to reach their destinations.

“‘Kay,” Liam agrees. “What’s your full name?”

"Zayn Javaad Malik. Spelled with three A’s, not two, you?"

"Liam James Payne." Liam responds. He makes sure to remember that Zayn’s last name is Malik. That way he can update his contact info in his cell.

"What’s your favorite animal?" Zayn asks.

"Turtle," Liam says. Zayn laughs.

"Why a turtle?" he asks.

Liam shrugs. “I know they’re considered slow and weak, but they’re one of the wisest animals. Plus, they have a great way of protecting themselves.”

"Lions." Zayn blurts. "I like how brave they are."

"Cool." Liam thinks for a moment before asking, "Favorite food?"

"Chicken." Zayn says without hesitation.

"I think I like chocolate best," Liam says with a smile. "Your turn." They turn onto another street and keep making their way down the sidewalk. This part of town looks a bit dodgier than most, and Liam subconsciously pulls Zayn a little closer.

"When’s the last time you went on a date?" Zayn asks, and Liam’s blood runs cold. A lump forms in his throat, and he has to force his words to go around it.

"It’s been a while," he whispers. _Three years._

"Really?" Zayn questions. "Do you and the guy still talk?"

And Liam wants to end this conversation. He’d rather do anything, _anything but this_.

"Actually, no. It was a girl, and um… we don’t talk." _Can’t talk_. And why is Liam even bringing this up?

"Oh wow, a girl?" Zayn stops to look at him. "I didn’t think you liked guys _and_ …”

"I don’t." Liam interjects. "Well, I mean, I used to, but… no. Not anymore. I realized some time ago that I’m only into guys, so… yeah."

"It’s cool," Zayn responds. "You don’t have to explain. My last date was a few months ago."

"Do _you_ and the person still talk?” Liam asks, grateful that the line of questioning was no longer being directed towards him.

Zayn barks out a laugh at that, “Well yeah.” he says between giggles. “Haz is practically my best friend now, so yes, we talk.”

"Haz?"

"Harry. We used to date, until we figured we were better as friends, rather than anything else." Zayn explains.

"Oh," Liam offers lamely, coming to a halt.

Zayn stops to look at him, and his lips twitch up into a smirk, “I know, it’s a bit of a shocker.”

"No, well I mean," Liam begins, "I guess I just never pictured you and—"

He’s interrupted by the sound of breaking glass coming from nearby, and his head snaps towards the sound—just in time to see a drunk homeless man stumble out of an alleyway, slewing out a string of swearwords. 

"I think we should get out of here," Liam mumbles softly. Zayn follows his line of sight.

"It’s just a homeless guy," he replies.

But no. It’s not just a homeless guy. This guy could be dangerous, and he’s drunk too, which mean he probably doesn’t have very good judgement. And what if he decides to rob them…

"Come on, it’s getting late anyways," Liam says, "I should probably get home."

Zayn’s face falls at that, and he nods slowly. “O-Okay. Yeah, sure lets get you home.”

The walk back home is awkward this time, and Liam keeps his hands stuffed in his pocket the entire way there. Once they reach Liam’s building, Zayn begins to leave without so much as a ‘bye’, and with a disappointed look on his face

Liam can’t help but feel upset at himself for putting that frown on Zayn’s face and calls out a ‘wait’ before Zayn can get too far.

Liam jogs to catch up with him and when Zayn turns to face him, there’s still a glint of hopefulness in his eyes.

"I just wanted to say thank you for today," Liam starts, "and I’m sorry for ruining it with the whole homeless guy thing. He probably wasn’t even dangerou—"

His words die short as Zayn’s lips press softly against his, just barely there, and Liam’s eyes flutter shut as Zayn slowly deepens the kiss, lips blanketing Liam’s own, his hands gripping Liam’s waist firmly. Liam lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding through his nose as he tries to deepen the kiss even further, but Zayn pulls away slightly, just enough for Liam to see the smile on his lips and his eyes gleaming brightly.

"It’s okay," Zayn whispers against his lips. "I know what it feels like to have a crazy imagination, too."

He pulls back from Liam completely and turns on his heels, walking away swiftly. Liam watches him go, the phantom feeling of lips ghosting over his, until Zayn’s figure disappears all together.

When Liam finally makes it to his apartment, he checks the time and notices that it’s _6:51_ and that he’d only been gone for about 3 hours, and that Niall and Louis are eating Chinese takeout in front of his television. 

"How was it?" Louis asks from where he’s sitting, his eyes barely leaving the telly screen.

Liam gives a measly, “Good,” and heads to his room. He knows he’ll have to explain every exact detail about his date to Louis eventually, but he decides he’d rather do it tomorrow. Instead, he ventures into his room and flops onto his bed. Liam gazes up at the ceiling for a few long minutes before rolling over, switching off his light and curling into his bed, still fully dressed.

He doesn’t care, though. He’s exhausted and he doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t feel like spending time with the boys watching pointless channels.

Rather, Liam forces his eyes closed and wills himself to fall asleep, the last thought on his mind being that of Zayn’s lips pressed firmly against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god i am so sorry for taking years to upload this thing and also this chapter suuuucks. I am prepared to go into hiding now. Please don’t kill me, you have literally no idea how hard the past few months have been for me to write this. I’ve had literally 0 motivation, nor time. School sucks. Anyway, yeah. Sorry again, love you guys, bye ♥


End file.
